Silver

I keep feeling as though I stumble upon silver linings.

- Not having health insurance means I didn't have to go through the plethora of testing usually done on people before giving the FM diagnosis.

- I spent 3 weeks thinking I might have MS, so when I was told it was FM it felt like a huge weight had been taken off of my shoulders.

- Coming off of the Zoloft has made me much more aware of how desperate our situation is, which means I can really be a partner to my husband and give him the support he needs to get through this.

- My husband being unemployed during the last few weeks has meant I could escape the family whenever I needed to while I went through the emotional rollercoaster of changing mind altering medications.

There are more, but some things don't need to be written down. It's odd to have so much difficulty in our lives, but to be able to see how truly blessed we are at the same time. There is something in our society that balks against giving thanks for the little things when the larger picture seems so bleak. I'm starting to learn that our society is broken. It's sad, really. The more poor you are in our country the more fines you seem to rack up. Employers are starting to check people's credit before hiring, even though those in the most need of work are often going to have the worst credit. Oh, and I could go on about the credit reporting companies and their inaccuracies for ages!

Really, how can we have gone from trusting the man sitting across from us to trusting a conflicting bunch of numbers?

For now I am grateful for the simplicity my life is becoming. Being grateful for a dozen eggs is a far cry from the odd sense of entitlement I bandied about as I spent my Mom's Weekends Off in a 5 star hotel. I suppose I could flog myself for the waste that was, but there isn't any point in doing so. Instead I'll choose to learn from my mistakes whenever I can to try not to let the past resurface in the future.

Ah, and another bit of silver occurs to me :)

I am living in nearly constant pain, which keeps me very grounded in the moment. I've spent a long time trying to figure out how to live in the present, I suppose I am getting my training in how to do so now.