Monday, March 7, 2011

Inspiration?

Why is it the desire to write seems only to come at the most inopportune moments? I'll be laying in bed at 3am and suddenly a sentence will draw itself in my mind's eye, and I long to write it down...or I'll be moved deeply by something or someone and want to post a picture of that contact in a way I can only do with words, but I can't very well say to my beautiful child or dear friend or total stranger, "Pardon me a moment, I want to write down how wonderful this is. Just hold that thought, I'll be back in a half hour!"

Usually, by the time I get to my keyboard the moment is gone, the sentence is lost among the jumble of half remembered dreams, and I'm simply uninspired. I wonder if I can muster the self discipline to write something every day during Lent? Self discipline has never been one of my strong points, and I'd like to change that. I sort of feel like I'm too old for how reactionary I am sometimes. Though, it could be that to attempt to become more disciplined I'd lose something more.

I tell the kids that life is ultimately a balance, that thinking life's unfair on the whole isn't right. So, I find myself wondering, if life really is a balance, does that mean for every gain there is a loss? To move ahead we must make sacrifices along the way? Or, perhaps, we are meant to simply let go of the "trappings" of our socially acceptable material lives and embrace a life of simplicity and love.

Today I have more questions than answers. But I also have a smile I can't quite shake, and warmth in my heart I'm reveling in.

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